Is erotic massage infidelity?

In the modern world, the concept of infidelity is becoming increasingly ambiguous. What was once considered a clear violation of fidelity now often falls into the “gray areas” of moral norms and personal boundaries. One such contentious issue is erotic massage. Is it infidelity? Can it be acceptable in a relationship?

What is infidelity?

An anthropologist from Rutgers University and a leading expert in the field of love and attraction biology, Helen Fisher, says that from an evolutionary perspective, we all, regardless of gender, have tendencies towards infidelity. On one hand, monogamy has become the foundation of social life and even a part of traditional philosophy. On the other hand, however, modern society perceives more than ever that the concept of classical marriage is in crisis and losing its relevance.

When explaining infidelity from a biological perspective, Fisher primarily highlights the influence of hormones – specifically the “happiness hormone” dopamine. It is part of the reward system and plays an important role in motivation and learning processes. The higher the dopamine level, the more positive emotions we experience. Dopamine interacts with five specific receptors: D1, D2, D3, D4, D5, which are encoded by different genes. Research has shown that genetic variations in the D4 receptor can influence a person’s tendency to cheat. For example, people with a longer allelic form of the D4 receptor cheat 50% more often than those with a short form of this receptor.

Psychologists offer different definitions of infidelity. For some, it means only sexual relationships with someone other than the steady partner. For others, infidelity is a broader concept that includes any form of “eroticism.”

Most research, however, focuses on sexual relationships outside the couple. Nevertheless, the concept of infidelity is expanding. It now includes sexual chatting, exchanging provocative photos, watching porn, and activity on dating apps. Some people perceive these activities as betrayal, sometimes even more serious than physical infidelity.

For example, a survey by METRO showed that different people consider the following as infidelity:

• deep emotional connection with another person – 55%;
• sending nude photos – 46%;
• sending erotic messages – 44%;
• having a profile on a dating site – 29%;
• spending time with an ex-partner – 29%;
• casual flirting – 18%;
• thinking about someone else during sex – 18%;
• having dinner with a person of the opposite sex – 18%;
• maintaining a relationship with an ex-partner – 16%;
• fantasizing about someone else – 13%.

Psychologists consider infidelity to be a breach of agreements that leads to a loss of trust. These agreements can vary depending on the partners’ beliefs, values, and the format of their relationship. For example, in some couples, sexual relationships with other partners are allowed. In such cases, infidelity is what goes beyond these agreements, such as a secret relationship with a third party.

Is erotic massage infidelity? – Opinions from a discussion forum

We looked at several different forums, and users’ opinions on this issue vary significantly. Here are a few examples:

• “It’s just inappropriate and probably unsuitable in a relationship. Well, maybe only if the massage were shared, with me by a man and him by a woman.”
• “Recently, I heard from a friend about a tantric massage, and I would consider that infidelity, or at least I would be very upset. And it wasn’t even about sex…”
• “Just the fact that a committed man wants to go for an erotic massage is strange. He can have such massages at home with his partner. It would never occur to me to go for an erotic massage if I had a partner.”
• “Infidelity is if it bothers you. There are certainly couples who tolerate this and are happy. He certainly doesn’t consider it infidelity – there are no emotions involved, it’s paid for, and he even tells you about it:-D I might allow it to my guy once as an experiment and a change, and he could even tell me about it. If it became a regular thing and he started neglecting me sexually because of it, that would bother me a lot. That’s how I see all other sexual matters – watching porn at home, going to a strip club, etc. It doesn’t bother me as long as it’s in a healthy measure and it spices up our sex life.”
• “I don’t consider a similar massage to be infidelity, but I know my husband wouldn’t go for it, and if I wanted to, I could offer him almost any of these massages at home.”
• “We went with my husband for a tantric massage (where the masseur touches intimate parts), and we don’t consider it infidelity. However, the definition of infidelity is different for everyone – some consider flirting to be infidelity, some kissing, and some don’t even consider a one-night stand as infidelity (I don’t consider a one-night stand in an alcohol-induced state to be infidelity but rather a mistake)… It’s up to each of us to set boundaries and, most importantly, agree on them with our partner.”
• “If there’s no intimacy involved, I don’t see any reason to consider it infidelity. It’s just another way to spend time pleasantly and relax. I once gave my husband a voucher for an erotic massage.”
• “You could also consider masturbation as infidelity. Infidelity is about emotions.”

Source: Emimino.cz

Our opinion:

The comment from Emimino that it’s necessary to first clarify what infidelity is seems very apt. Whether or not to consider an erotic massage as infidelity depends on individual perceptions and agreements within the relationship. For some people, an erotic massage may be a form of infidelity because it involves physical closeness with another person and can elicit sexual arousal. For others, it may be an acceptable form of relaxation that doesn’t cross the boundaries of fidelity. It’s important to discuss these issues with your partner to achieve mutual understanding and clearly defined boundaries in the relationship.

It’s crucial for partners to discuss their expectations and boundaries. If one person in the relationship considers erotic massage as infidelity and the other does not, it can lead to conflicts. Honest and open communication helps to set mutual rules and avoid misunderstandings.

In some cases, even discussing these topics and setting clear boundaries can strengthen trust and mutual understanding in the relationship. It can help partners better understand each other, respect emotions and boundaries, and sometimes such open communication encourages couples to experiment together. For example, by trying a couple’s erotic massage.

At Rabbit Hall, we offer you and your partner the opportunity to experience this unforgettable experience together. Our masseuses / masseurs will help you better understand your body and teach you how to enjoy sensual pleasure without crossing permitted boundaries. Our yoni massage and lingam massage are perfect for couples.